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I'm eligible for OAS, but what's the 'old age' part?
© by Mike Keenan 
Finally, it happened. It crept up on me while I wasn't looking. I suppose that it was basically a matter of time. Sixty-five years to be exact, but who is counting? Well, the government for one. I didn't have to accomplish anything remarkable. Just breathe. Yes, the government of Canada, whoever that may be these days, has informed me that I qualify for The Old Age Security program! Wow!
I don't have an acceptance speech handy like those pretending-to-be-surprised Oscar winners who immediately whip out three type-written sheets thanking everyone that they know, especially the hair dresser and plastic surgeon. I will make it short and simply say thank you mom and dad. What a great country we live in! I am told by the government's official website that the OAS is the cornerstone of Canada's retirement income system and that it will provide me with a "modest pension" if I have lived in Canada for at least 10 years. The residency criterion is not a problem. There is no other country that I would choose to live in other than Canada. Yes, even if I won a million dollars. This is the only place to reside, the country that accepts immigrants from all over the world, a peaceful country that immediately instills a sense of tranquility whenever I return from my travels. Travel is important, ultimately the best educator around, but it's always nice to arrive home. I certainly appreciate the extra cash, but I do have a slight problem with the OAS. It's the name. Why do they call it Old Age? Couldn't those well-paid politicians and bureaucrats arrive at something that sounds a little more positive? Granted, my parents barely arrived at the OAS before their demise so, in their time frame, Old and Age might have been an appropriate moniker. But now, people live much longer, take on second and third careers and hey, Pablo Picasso even had children. I don't think Miriam and I desire the thrill of more children. At this point, grandchildren will do just fine. However, let's change the wording of OAS to make it more inspiring, a little less closer-my-god-to-thee. OEC is nice: the Order of Esteemed Citizens. That has a lofty air about it. "Did you get your OEC cheque?" I might say to a friend. "Yup, let's go play bingo," he might respond. MYAS is another good acronym, Mature Yet Active Seniors. Can you picture hordes of MYAS practicing Tai Chi in local parks? The local TV station might announce: "Don't forget MYAS in the park this morning!" Inspiring, don't you agree? Coalition is a term bandied about these days. What about CRANK, the Coalition of Retired Adults with No Kids? Sounds solid. Of course, OLDFART is also inspirational: the Organization of Loyal Defenders of the Faith: Aging, Retired, Triumphant! It suggests a progressively lyrical sound, meant to be sung after the Hallelujah Chorus by aging choirs in our local churches. In 1965 the government dropped OAS age eligibility from 70 to 65, surely a kind gesture. In 1967 they established a Guaranteed Income Supplement; in 1972, they introduced full annual cost-of-living indexation; in 1975, they established the Spouse's Allowance program; and, get ready for this, in 2000, those progressive types extended benefits to same-sex common-law partners. So, with a little ingenuity, clever Ottawa politicians, who normally can spin the sinking of the Titanic into a great opportunity for scuba diving, can certainly also spin a positive connotation to the issue of old age. It's interesting to note that an applicant's employment history is not a factor in determining OAS eligibility, so all you hard-drinking members of Hell's Angels, don't despair. If you emerge unscathed from your long-lasting rebellious stage, there's some beer money ready for you at 65. As for me, I'm waiting patiently to see just how "modest" my "modest pension" actually is. |
