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Ailing friends have imparted a doctor's worth of knowledge
© by Mike Keenan 
Even at the advanced age of 65, I still entertain a sudden epiphany, a realization that seizes me and makes me wonder why I have been wasting my time. We all undergo these inspirations, but few of us act on them.
I should explain. Miriam and I have been visiting old friends who have relocated outside of the Niagara Region in Parry Sound and Wasaga Beach. Bob and Brenda in Parry Sound are 82 and 80 while Fred and Margo in Wasaga Beach are both 62 and closer to our range. We started at Wasaga Beach first and then wound our way up the 400 to Parry Sound. Fred and Margo have had exciting developments with body parts. Fred is a hunter and is quite deaf so he relies on hearing aids in each ear, but complains about the expensive devices that don't block out extraneous noise. The phrase, "lend me your ear" is most appropriate now, because he favours one ear and tries to sit beside you accordingly. Conversely, if he does not want to engage in idle conversation, he locates on the other side of you. This is great, because you can immediately judge his disposition. Unfortunately, I forget which is his good side; it gets to be a poker game. Fred exposed his ears to too many gunshots. He teaches hunter safety courses. He claims that the $35 aids he bought at a sporting goods store are far better than his high-priced state-of-the-art devices. We have learned a lot about hearing through Fred. He had his knee replaced a year ago, and we were privy to all of the details. Margo had a mild heart attack and has had constant problems with migraines and has been good enough to share all of these struggles with us. We offer solace and two good ears each for a total of four. Up in Parry Sound, Bob has been having trouble with his kidney. He had a large stone which needed to be shattered by a laser. Apparently, the operation was quite taxing and he has lost some zip. Miriam and I entertain our own theories regarding anesthetic and aging. Anyway, he suffered some complications, but as a result, we now know pretty much all one needs to know about kidneys, those two pear-shaped organs that get rid of all of nitrogenous wastes, principally urea from the blood. We know that the renal arteries supply them with blood and that there are items named nephrons involved in this process. Unfortunately, Brenda is quite deaf in both ears. She would be much better off in Wasaga Beach with Fred who is deaf also but more so in one ear which I can never recall, right or left. Brenda likes to talk and always has us at a disadvantage because she can't hear us, so she rattles away all night long. Sometimes, I wish I was Fred. Brenda also has had a knee replacement so between Fred and Brenda, Miriam and I are pretty much up on knee operations and this is how I had my epiphany. My doctor is 72 years old. I figure if I had paid more attention and taken notes, I could easily have accumulated several credits towards a medical degree. I calculate that just in the normal course of events, by visiting our friends, I could easily acquire the information required to pass any medical exam that involved ears, knees, the heart and kidney. Actually, with friends like ours, I could specialize. Specialists make much more money than GP's. I could be a doctor at the same age as my present doctor. He might even want to take me on to share his practise because he will be 79 when I'm just starting off at 72. I think we would make a great team. I must send a note of thanks to Bob and Brenda and Fred and Margo. No sense phoning; two of them are deaf. |
