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My latest game invention - Who's Alive and Who's Not
© by Mike Keenan 
I've invented a game for retirees which should be as popular as Trivial Pursuit and make me quite rich. It's called Who's Alive and Who's Not. I was going to call it Who's Alive and Who's Dead but figured retirees don't appreciate the finality associated with the last word.
When politicians employ it, you know it's game over, that the fat lady has sung. When Stephen Harper says that the Guergis affair is a dead issue, you know that she will never sit in cabinet again, behind her leader with all of the other bobbing heads. When Dalton McGuinty pronounces that the eco tax is a dead issue, you know his favourite colour will never be green. I got the Who's Alive and Who's Not idea from the web. There is a great website that provides this information so you can tell whether or not you are wasting your money sending Christmas cards to certain individuals. It even lists people by categories to make it easier for your search. For instance, I've always wanted to know which of Hugh Hefner's well endowed Playmates are still kicking. This website not only informs me if they are deceased but how they managed to no longer be living. (It's hard not to use the 'dead' word.) For playmates, I detect an unfortunate pattern. Beginning with the first playmate, Marilyn Monroe, we learn that she passed away at 36 and her death was either accidental, a suicide or murder. With others, the cause is not ambiguous. Elisa Bridges overdosed on heroin at 28. Tiffany Sloan, the same at 35. Ditto for Anna Nicole Smith at 39. Add both Willy Rey, age 23 and Paige Young at 30. Star Stowe was murdered at 40 and Debbie Boostrom shot herself at 53. Carol Willis (20) and Claudia Jennings (29) were in automobile wrecks and Cathy Larmouth suffered a heart attack at 53. Wow. I'm glad that I never signed on as a playmate for Playgirl Magazine. One other playmate death is worth noting. Melodye Prentiss died by a "breathing problem caused by prescription meds" at 64. Fudging? In other words, she swallowed too many pills which caused her to die! I thought that those in the boxing profession would all go early thanks to the pounding they take between the ears, but it's not so. Heavyweights Muhammad Ali, (68), Joe Frazier, (66), George Foreman, (61), Leon Spinks, (57), Larry Holmes, (60), and Mike Tyson (44), are all alive and the following died at advanced ages: Max Schmeling (99) Jack Sharkey, (91), Joe Walcott, (80), Ingemar Johansson, (76) Joe Louis (66), and Floyd Patterson, (71). Only Rocky Marciano, (45) and Sonny Liston (38) left the ring early. 
Many Watergate figures are gone: Archibald Cox (92), John Ehrlichman (73) Sam Ervin (88), W. Mark Felt (95), Alexander Haig (85), H. R. Haldeman (67), E. Howard Hunt (88), Leon Jaworksi (77), John Mitchell (75), Richard Nixon (81), Elliot Richardson (79) and John Sirica (88). Alive are: William Ruckelshaus (77), Robert Bork (83), Ben Bradlee (88), Chuck Colson (78), John Dean (71), Daniel Ellsberg (79) and G. Gordon Liddy (79).
The Tonight Show? Many favourites have passed: Steve Allen (78), Jack Paar (85), Johnny Carson (79), Gene Rayburn (81), Ed McMahon (86) Tommy Newsom (78), and Skitch Henderson (87). Doc Severinsen survives at 83.
Bonanza? Forget it. They are all resting peacefully under some sagebrush. Lorne Greene, Michael Landon, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts and Victor Sen Yung will ride no more. David Doyle, John Forsythe and Farrah Fawcett are now someone else's angels, not Charlie's. Only Harvey Korman has passed from The Carol Burnett Show On this website, we have Oscar winners, Baseball Hall of Fame, Football, Fashion Designers, Rock and Roll Pioneers and many more characters. I think you will enjoy Who's Alive and Who's Not particularly if you reside in the former grouping. I'd give you the URL for the website, but it might hurt my sales. |
