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Rerouted Matilda's sinister plan 'to cause trouble' took flight
© by Mike Keenan 
Returning from Ottawa to the Hamilton airport, I encounter two octogenarian ladies with thick British accents who were heading towards the plane on the tarmac, a small twin-propeller type that carried maybe 50 people at most. The ladies seemed to latch on to me as we walked. They informed me - seemingly an impartial arbiter - that they were none too happy about being rerouted from Boston and that the only way to address the problem was "to cause trouble." I chuckled silently to myself. How much trouble could this old pair cause? Nonetheless, trouble is precisely what they caused. In fact, if they had had one more companion, it would resemble the witches' scene in Macbeth.
1 WITCH: "Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd about this airline." 2 WITCH: "Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin'd about the craft." 3 WITCH: "Harpier cries:-'tis time! 'tis time!" ALL: "Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and airplane bubble." It was malice aforethought, and it soon became apparent that they were aiming not at Air Canada executives who had caused their discomfort but rather, the underlings. Starting to board, (let's call her Matilda) despite looking fit and able to walk better than me equipped with my cane to keep me upright - in a strident voice, she demanded and promptly received a wheelchair to transport her to the plane. This ploy gained her first access inside the plane with me right behind her with, of course, my trusty cane. Emboldened by her successful opening manouevre, like a maniacal chess player, Matilda was helped up the stairs complaining all the way; however, much to her disgust, her seat was in the rear which caused her to complain even louder that she "shouldn't have to sit at the rear, especially a person of her age!" Meanwhile, everyone was trying to board and Matilda, looking like a defiant salmon, waded into the stream, despite one gentleman telling her that the best seats were in the back. A lone stewardess, young and personable, quickly made rearrangements and soon, Matilda and her accomplice were comfortably seated in the front two seats. Now, she had her stage. Let the games begin. An over-sized handbag balanced precariously on her knees. In getting us ready for takeoff, the stewardess politely asked Matilda to place her handbag in the compartment above, designed for such items. "No!" she said. "We didn't have to on the other flight." "Were you in the front seat on the other flight?" politely asked the stewardess. "No!" said Matilda. "That's why you were allowed to place your handbag under the seat instead of in storage," said the smiling attendant. Takeoff was imminent, the plane quiet and the passengers absorbed by the battle. "Rules say you must store the bag up top," smiled the stewardess in a pleasant, controlled tone. "Otherwise, in turbulence, your bag could fly through the air and hurt you or another passenger. Don't you think that's a good rule?" asked the stewardess, steadfastly maintaining her composure. "No!" replied Matilda, which was immediately followed by a loud chorus of "Yes!" from all of the passengers. Matilda didn't know that it was a rhetorical question. "You're not taking my purse!" she shouted. As the stewardess came down the aisle, to inspect the plane before takeoff, we all congratulated her on her expertise in handling the situation. There were several moments when, if I was in her place, I would have drop-kicked Matilda through the doorway. Sometimes, older people tend to get quite cross with youngsters. Perhaps, it's an unconscious resentment that younger people seemingly have more time to waste. Miriam says that I've been getting grumpy lately. I wish she could have seen Matilda. Anyway, on the flight, the stewardess prevailed, and Matilda's trouble-making ceased. I could hardly wait to land to see what would happen in Hamilton if Matilda's luggage was lost. I would certainly not want to be a janitor working for Air Canada. |
